ME

Never shall I
ever say hi
not again

I am done
with your fake attention
with your seeming friendship.

You hurt me
hurt me really bad
and I need to be okay
with me.

But seeing my every mistake
when I look at you
I see everything I want
everything I hate.

You have broken
me into pieces
so nearly
destroyed.

So…

relapsing.
realization,
never was I
your number one.

You asked another
and failed to mention
this little detail.

I was
convenient
I was
there

used 

Cancelled meetings,
Less talk
time apart

It is what we need
I hope September will be better
The future is bright

thanks for the dramatic
thanks for the love
thanks for being you

thanks for being a chapter
in the novel of my life 

Tonight

Tonight.
I am terrified of tonight.
Seeing you for the first time in what seems months
Drinking with you for the first time
Since shit fell apart.

I think you are nervous too
But you wouldn’t say that.

I have it set in my mind
I will behave myself
I won’t let anything happen.

I want things to go back
Not like that will happen easily.
Maybe time apart this summer is what will help.
Or maybe it will show me that I can do without.

You’ll become somebody

That I used to know. 

Its getting harder to talk to you. Every time I feel like I am almost done, and I can finally let go, finally be done with it all and go on with my life and find someone new, you open up a little. It feels like that death cab for cutie song, where he dips his toe in just to keep you here, and how he sings about always watching the door but doing just enough to keep her there. It makes me feel like crap. I am begging you to just finish it, or do something substantial. Make a decision. 

No girl deserves this shit.

(Source: sixbillionsecrets)

Waves wash around my ankles,

they never used to reach this far

how strange

I stand entranced

the water gets higher

I feel no desire to move

It washes around my neck

my mouth

then my nose

I let the water take me to sea

I feel free for the first time in a long time

I want to go

And I never want to come back

You took advantage of me.

(Source: sixbillionsecrets)

Its getting hard.

I gets harder with every passing second.

Alcohol has become my friend.

Its a bad friend.

But you know what?

I get why people turn to this friend.

I used to say never! I never will.

But I have, and its getting worse.

I don’t want to tell anyone. 

And I won’t.

Thanks for being there when no one else will.